Light Always Follows the Storm
August 5, 2008 | Filed in: children of divorce

Sorry about the 1 lonely post, I have a hard time keeping up with things.

I’ve been thinking about my dad lately (don’t know why.)

So how does my un-relationship with him affect me now?

I’m not sure what it would be like to have a relationship with him, to scared to find out. Not scared exactly, just not ready. I know that if I can accept him for who he is I could have a fine relationship with him, but I don’t know who he is and he definitely doesn’t know who I am.

At 28 yrs. old I have finally come to terms with my past relationship with him. Basically, I have stopped blaming him for all of my problems. He was such an easy target. He really dicked us over and gave me the best excuse to act out, use drugs, etc. People felt sorry for me because my dad left me and didn’t even try to have a relationship with me.

I can now accept that my problems are my own and a lot of things that I do are things that he did. It’s wierd, but I can understand what he did now.

I’m not sure, but a counselor brought up to me that maybe he stopped his relationship with me because he knew that I would be better off without him (doubt it, but a possibility.)

He tries to contact me sometimes, but I never respond. Mostly due to loyalty to my sister and mom. They are my family, including my step-dad (who I call dad), because I would never risk their love for a relationship with my father.

My step-dad stepped right in there and became my father. Unbelievable, but he did. Love him to death.

ROCK ON STEP-FATHERS! KNOW THAT WHEN YOU MARRY INTO A FAMILY YOU ARE ALSO BECOMING A FATHER TO THE CHILDREN. TREAT THEM AS YOUR OWN AND THEY WILL LOVE YOU IN RETURN (AT LEAST IN MY EXPERIENCE)!

DON’T GIVE UP ON THEM, THEY ARE HURTING AND CONFUSED. STABILITY, PATIENCE, AND COMMITMENT WILL ALLOW THEM TO TRUST YOU.

My light is my step-father.

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The Wednesdays & Every Other Weekend Crew
June 28, 2008 | Filed in: children of divorce

When it finally sank in that I would no longer be seeing 6 and 2old daughters everyday anymore, it felt strange and disturbingly uneasy to consider the future. It seemed like I had lost everything.

Complicating the custody decision was the 100 or so miles that stretched from my front door to my ex’s house. I had no choice when I moved out of town: kicked out of my own house, I was living in a small apartment with the kindest Korean landlords but a head-full of confusion.

My half-hearted suicide attempts were ultimately thwarted by my parents, who packed me up and drove me home to live with them. And so begins a new chapter of my life.

I can’t believe I got so far with a head so empty.

I hope to share with you on this blog the wisdom I’ve learned over these past six years. Tumultuous at times and a constant challenge, living away from your children will probably be one of the most difficult things you’ll ever do.

Make the most of your children’s visitation times NOW and always. A daughter needs a dad. A son needs a hero.

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Daddy rock ‘n’ rolled right on out the door
June 23, 2008 | Filed in: alcoholism, children of divorce, deadbeat dads, mental health

He said, “do an opening post!” Here I go again, so much to say and nothing comes to mind. This’ll happen. I’m gonna start with a little story (a little history one might say). An overture of my life as a child of divorce and drama.

The first feelings I can remember as a child are anxiety and fear…Example: my favorite book as a child was “The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day.” I related to the main character as a child, and many days throughout the rest of my life. I believe this is part my own mind and part living in a tumultuous household.

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